Out On The Couch

Are you a polyamory-affirming therapist? 

Ethical non-monogamy is a popular topic; especially in the form of loving, committed open relationships like polyamory. 

Is it possible to be consensually, respectfully non-monogamous without ruining intimate relationships? 

What if a client is exploring opening up an  existing relationship, or even a marriage?

And, perhaps the most common question of all, is it possible to survive feelings of jealousy and heartbreak with multiple partners? 

Although non-monogamy is a very common interest, it’s also something clients can be hesitant to discuss with their therapists

Luckily, we have a wealth of resources to help you start the conversation and network with other polyamory friendly therapists!

So what about jealousy? 

As many therapists will quickly tell you, the topic of jealousy is often raised as one of the most urgent concerns, barriers, or pitfalls that people experience around polyamory. In Managing Jealousy in a Polyamorous Relationship, we dive right into this stressful area to help make it a bit less scary. Sometimes the pressure to do things right can get in the way of exploring, healing, and developing new relationship skills. This can show up in how people shame themselves (or their partners) around feelings of jealousy. 

Learning to be neutral may be more realistic than learning to be excited about things which have previously been distressing. Being jealous is a useful tool to guide relational and individual needs, as well as helping us to identify aspects of our own communication that are still works in progress. How clients behave and speak with their partner(s) when they are  jealous, and how they treat others  when they feel it, can also reveal important considerations around power balance or even safety. 

And opening up relationships? 

Therapy clients with a bit more experience around polyamory will soon begin to recognize another frequent obstacle that can come up when working on opening up successfully. While the social discourse around ethical non-monogamy tends to treat polyamory as the only style of honest, caring non-monogamy, it is just one of many relationship structures. Not only that, but there are also many different types of polyamory! It can be a miserable mistake to assume that not all kinds of polyamory relationship structures and goals are compatible with each other. When first trying polyamory, clients often report to therapists that they don’t know how to find potential partners who are friendly to the concept, much less knowledgeable and experienced. Luckily there are many communities and social circles that can help us meet other folks who are polyamorous and seeking. The next step is learning what type of polyamory is best for you or for your existing relationship, and then discovering how to communicate and negotiate that with others. 

And interpersonal conflicts in polyamory? 

What if relationship needs differ? Can couples find a way to stay together and move forward when one person wants to open the relationship and the other does not? What are some techniques that therapists may use to help couples in situations such as these? In many ways, relationship therapy for polyamory is grounded in the same techniques and wisdom as any other type of intimate relationship. For example, therapists can adapt research from monogamous relationship experts for guidance on complicated interpersonal conflicts and emotions that can easily happen in any relationship. It’s also possible that your therapist will bring their own lived experiences and knowledge to the session. Clients are often surprised to realize that therapists can be polyamorous, too! Yes, we even have resources for therapists in open relationships as they navigate possible considerations like avoiding dual relationships among other ethical complexities.

Learn more from our courses

After you’ve explored our many helpful posts about polyamory, take a moment to browse our online workshops. They’re available anytime, whether you’re seeking continuing education or help with creating space for a new conversation in treatment. Ethical and consensual non-monogamy, and especially loving and committed forms like polyamory, are not right for everyone (mostly monogamous folks!)  but can still be a healthy and important way to express commitment and devotion for others.