Gottman’s Four Horsemen in a Polyamorous Context
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is a metaphor originally put forth by Dr. John Gottman, a prevalent relationship researcher. Dr. Gottman used this description for four forms of negative communication patterns (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling) because they will often, and very effectively, end a relationship (Gottman & Silver, 2015). While this research was [...]
Managing Conflict in Affirmative Therapy
Relationships between therapists and clients can involve vulnerability. Exploring topics related to identity is delicate work. Both client and therapist may be impacted by their education, knowledge, and preconceptions. Moreover, therapy often requires discomfort. None of this is news but: but managing conflict while centering your client’s experiences takes skill and experience.
Affirmative therapy requires [...]
5 Challenges Facing the LGBTQ+ Community
The fight for LGBTQ+ rights has come a long way, but the battle for acceptance is far from over. Therapists working with clients who are members of the LGBTQ+ community commonly see elevated rates of mental health challenges in this population, including anxiety, depression, trauma, disordered eating, and even suicidal ideation (Young & Fisher-Borne, 2018). Many [...]
The Trauma Impact of Cancel Culture
Over the last two years of the COVID-19 pandemic, community relationships have shifted to a location primarily online. The centrality and importance of technology-mediated relationships is now an established interest within the fields of social work and psychology (Trepte et al., 2017, Okdie et al., 2018) along with social and relational conflicts like cancel [...]
How online self-disclosure benefits LGBTQIA+ therapists with lived experience
Self-Disclosure and Community Building
We know that LGBTQIA+ community members are resourceful and resilient. We also know about startling disparities in the mental health of queer and trans individuals v. that of cisgender and heterosexual ones. As a queer femme clinical social worker who has spoken openly and published about my own lived experience of [...]
Self Disclosure of the Polyamorous Therapist
As the mental health field makes inroads toward inclusive and equitable practice, efforts to understand the needs of polyamorous people are expanding beyond the basics (Johnson, 2013). Moreover, it is important to ensure polyamorous therapists are included in that discussion. As practitioners, we are examining ourselves for opportunities to better meet the needs of [...]
Defining Power for Affirmative Therapists
Clinics, treatment centers, and group practices play an important role in the communities they serve. Power flows through every relationship from the individual dyad in treatment to a community clinic’s relationship with federal policy (Hess & Schultz, 2008). Moreover, these dynamics can be seen as both a commodity and resource (Peterson & Zimmerman, 2004) in [...]
Bisexual Polyamorous Clients in Therapy
Before getting into this article, I would like to locate myself. I am a white, bisexual, able-bodied, ambiamorous, cisgender woman with anxiety and a chronic illness who has been in both monogamous and polyamorous relationships. As someone who identifies as bisexual, has navigated both polyamorous and monogamous relationships, and specializes in working with these [...]
4 Barriers to Affirmative Clinic Change
Gerald Caplan is seminal in developing some of the early theories of consulting work (Caplan, 1960). Caplan worked in Israel after World War II providing mental health support to 16,000 displaced and orphaned teens in overwhelmed residential and refugee facilities (Mendoza, 1993). Caplan’s resources were limited, and his team had no way of serving the [...]
Mono-Poly Relationships in Therapy
Ask Us Anything: How does a therapist deal with a couple where one partner prefers monogamy and the other wants to be polyamorous?
First, we can consider the many ways in which one might ask this question, which can change its meaning. There are several situations when this will come up in the therapy room, and [...]
Telepsychotherapy Protects Queer Communities From COVID-19
Telehealth offers psychotherapists a way to provide quality mental health services while still practicing and promoting extreme social distancing. This practice, instituted early, can help save lives during the COVID-19 pandemic (Pueyo, 2020; Stevens, 2020). Psychotherapists who work with queer communities should be switching to telehealth in order to decrease the risk faced [...]
7 Reasons to Pursue Specialized Training to Work with Consensual Non-Monogamy
The popularity and public visibility of consensual non-monogamy (CNM) continues to grow. Since Buzzfeed first reported on the phenomenon back in 2015, interest in this relationship style has been expanding. A recent study by Schechinger et al. (2018) found that four to five percent of the general population is currently engaged in an open relationship [...]
Helping Queer and Trans Clients Navigate Fatphobia During the Holidays
As we approach winter and prepare for “hibernation,” diet culture and fatphobia often kicks into high gear. Family meals, holiday parties, and New Year’s resolutions surround us, regardless of whether we celebrate, and become fertile ground for fat shaming. The “holiday season” is already hard enough for many LGBTQIA+ folx*. It can also be an [...]
Managing Jealousy in a Polyamorous Relationship
Stephanie M. Sullivan, MS, LLMFT
Keywords: Polyamory
When people are first introduced to the idea of polyamory, one of the first questions they ask is often about jealousy. How do people in polyamorous relationships manage jealousy? Are they ever jealous? In the vast majority of polyamorous relationships, jealousy does come up at some point. However, [...]
Finding a Polyamory-Affirmative Therapist
By Stephanie M. Sullivan, MS, LLMFT
Many people, across all walks of life, occasionally need therapeutic services. Due to the stigma surrounding mental health, it can be difficult for anyone to contact a mental health therapist. However, if you are polyamorous or curious about exploring polyamory, you may struggle even more with reaching out to [...]